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Be The Type Of Friend You Want In Your Life

We can fall into the trap of thinking we're better friends to others than they are to us. Our brains are designed to focus on what's wrong more than what's right, so when we think about our relationships, we look at them through that lens. We focus on the friend who flakes on us, more than we'll admit when we flake on others. We feel like we're there for others, but no one is there for us. We set these standards and expectations that aren't met, then we feel bad for ourselves, even though we rarely live up to those standards ourself.

The truth is, other people can only be that great to us if they could read our minds. We're not the greatest communicators and it's easier to complain that someone didnt' give us what we needed, instead of asking if we even made those needs clear.

You know who can read your mind? YOU. so go ahead and make a copy of yourself and be that best friend/partner that you seek. You know your needs, and can honour them, you know your triggers and can work around them, and the things you don't know about yourself, you can discover through paying attention to who you are (aka sitting quietly and doing nothing).

Being that amazing person to yourself allows you to also be that amazing person to others, without the need of total reciprocity. Worst case, if you find yourself in a situation where you're giving and giving, and nothing is received, then you can be that great friend that tells yourself to walk away from that unhealthy situation. Love and friendship are actions more than feelings, so focus on how you can act upon them, and less on how they make you feel. It's no one else's job to make you feel good, but you. Don't be the martyr that puts everyone else before you then complains that no one appreciates you; put yourself first, and appreciate yourself, and love because you can, and not because you want it returned to you.
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