Moving on

All my self-worth and confidence was planted firmly in her heart. She cared about me, and I felt both lucky and unworthy of it, but having her made me feel like a million dollars. Then she left, and with her, everything I liked about myself. I felt like trash, I became super insecure and didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't imagine a life without her, and here I was, all cried out, mentally exhausted, praying for her to come back, so I could find myself again; she didn't. Unsurprisingly, as time went on, the healing made progress, just as long as I didn't do dumb shit to slow it down or make things worse. The trauma from that heartbreak made me very afraid to try to connect with anyone again, and rightfully so, besides, I still wanted to gain a sense of myself back first, before handing any of that to someone else. I could no longer proudly display her as my crown jewel, and I had since felt impoverished, and wanted to regain my value. But why bother, if it could be snatched away again? That's when I decided to focus on things that made me feel good about myself, that no one could take away. Those things included my ability to love, and my ability to tell the truth, two things that aren't always the easiest, but something I take pride in trying to uphold. The best part is, no one can take them away from me, I can only choose to forfeit them. That gesture of self-sufficiency helped me regain a more stable foundation as a person, and made it easier and healthier to connect with others because I was no longer looking at them as a crutch for my feeble ego. You have endless wealth inside of you, and you're worth so much, don't let a bad experience with someone who couldn't see your shine, make you run and hide in the dark. Share your love, speak your truth, and shine your light baby. #BLESS