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Choose Happiness Over Familiarity

May 31, 2021

After going through some sh*t, to protect my injured self, I built a shell and hid inside. The shell was made of emotional detachment and apathy, and at the time I needed it to survive what I was dealing with. Even when my situation started improving, I grew comfortable in that shell. Fast forward a few years, that same shell became less of a shelter and more of a prison. I was viewing people who had emotions or cared as weak, and prided myself as being strong, thick skinned, and evolved; I was completely wrong. What I was really doing was clutching on to an outdated decision, because it was comfortable. It was only until this year, watching @lindseystirling's doc and hearing her say, "I found the strength to be vulnerable again", did I realize how much I was really holding myself back. Redeveloping my EQ hasn't been the most fun, it get's frustrating. I'm a wordsmith and debater, I hear and deconstruct words and meanings. To have emotional intelligence means to shut up and figure out what other people are feeling more so than what they're saying. I didn't grow up in a space where people shared their feelings, nor does the idea of being very vulnerable sound appealing to me. But I'm learning where that shell has helped and hurt me in my life, and I want to have stronger connections with other folks, and that requires me to peak my head out a bit more often, and trust myself that I can handle whatever challenges come my way.

Kanwer S Mahl

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